The PSC Make-A-Wish Foundation!

[StevenX]

I wish I could fix any object at will.

Granted! However, your ability also "fixes" yourself - by removing your ability to fix things at will and reverting you back to normal.

I wish for a strawberry milkshake.

[littlepolly]

I wish for a strawberry milkshake.

Granted. The waitress brings you your shake, but when she sees little 8 yr old Ellie giving you a blow job under the table she trips and dumps the whole thing in your lap. You lose your hard-on immediately and Ellie is allergic to strawberries so she has to stop! Besides that you now have the whole attention of the ice cream shop.

I wish I had an all-expenses-paid seasons pass with a preteen girl escort to a nudist waterpark in Crimea. (You don't mind if I wish big, do you?) 8)

[boplicity]

I wish I had an all-expenses-paid seasons pass with a preteen girl escort to a nudist waterpark in Crimea. (You don't mind if I wish big, do you?) 8)

Granted! Unfortunately, preteen girls are pretty shit security, and your entire party is caught up and killed in the ongoing War in Ukraine by local militants who think you are a Russian oligarch.

I wish I could come down off a high whenever I want.

[OpeningMyHeartUp]

Not a problem! It'll happen every time you climb down from a second floor! Oh, did I mention that climbing is the only "high" you'll ever get?

I wish for an ounce bag of Skywalker bud that will automatically refill every time I smoke it empty.

Ruin that one, if you can!

[littlepolly]

Not a problem! It'll happen every time you climb down from a second floor! Oh, did I mention that climbing is the only "high" you'll ever get?

I wish for an ounce bag of Skywalker bud that will automatically refill every time I smoke it empty.

Ruin that one, if you can!

All goes well for months. You've always got a pipe in your hand and never come down from your buzz. You can even share with your friends and you become very popular among the stoners. But then decide throw a party for the kiddies and bake it into a batch of brownies for them. Now you're empty. It only refills when you smoke it.

I wish I was a tooth fairy and could visit little girls in their beds every night.

[OpeningMyHeartUp]

Not a problem! It'll happen every time you climb down from a second floor! Oh, did I mention that climbing is the only "high" you'll ever get?

I wish for an ounce bag of Skywalker bud that will automatically refill every time I smoke it empty.

Ruin that one, if you can!

All goes well for months. You've always got a pipe in your hand and never come down from your buzz. You can even share with your friends and you become very popular among the stoners. But then decide throw a party for the kiddies and bake it into a batch of brownies for them. Now you're empty. It only refills when you smoke it.

I wish I was a tooth fairy and could visit little girls in their beds every night.

Granted, except every bedroom you enter you have an uncontrollable urge to announce yourself at the top of your lungs, "THE TOOTH FAIRY'S HERE FOR YOUR TEETHIES!"

I wish I had an unlimited supply of good coffee and butter pecan creamer.

[boplicity]

I wish I had an unlimited supply of good coffee and butter pecan creamer.

Sure! Unfortunately, you can only drink it while cold. Good luck.

I wish I had access to a large vinyl music library.

[OpeningMyHeartUp]

I wish I had an unlimited supply of good coffee and butter pecan creamer.

Sure! Unfortunately, you can only drink it while cold. Good luck.

I wish I had access to a large vinyl music library.

Lol nice try, I like cold coffee!

And granted! Hope you like your vinyl the size of humvee tires!

I wish my muse would inspire me for 100 new stories.

[nyarla]

I wish my muse would inspire me for 100 new stories.

The observation of said muse, slowly lead you to the acknowledgment of the complete foreignness that exist between every human and your perception of complete isolation with the other being every second more clearly a construction of your singular perspective and existing in reality completely outside of you reach as it is the case with every individual. This lead you to a ever more fatalistic and nihilistic interpretation of the world where not even death would be enough to bring release from the suffering of your loneliness, so now you have more than enough inspiration to make 100 distinct tales reflecting the misery of your existence.   

I wish I found a way to buy every game available in the psn for free.

[OpeningMyHeartUp]

I wish my muse would inspire me for 100 new stories.

The observation of said muse, slowly lead you to the acknowledgment of the complete foreignness that exist between every human and your perception of complete isolation with the other being every second more clearly a construction of your singular perspective and existing in reality completely outside of you reach as it is the case with every individual. This lead you to a ever more fatalistic and nihilistic interpretation of the world where not even death would be enough to bring release from the suffering of your loneliness, so now you have more than enough inspiration to make 100 distinct tales reflecting the misery of your existence.   

I wish I found a way to buy every game available in the psn for free.

Wow, that was very Great Old One-ish!

And what luck! You find a way to get every game for free! Too bad the Shipping & Handling breaks your bank.

I wish i had original copies of every first edition Marvel Comic.

[littlepolly]

I wish i had original copies of every first edition Marvel Comic.

You have them but you have no place to put them in your little efficiency apartment. They are piled on all your furniture and the only place you to sit is a folding chair and the only place to sleep is on the floor between your couch and the kitchenette table. And your most valuable issues got left on the balcony to get water damaged from a huge storm.

I wish I owned an ice cream shop in Dublin, so I could be visited by dozens of cute little gingers every day.

[OpeningMyHeartUp]

I wish i had original copies of every first edition Marvel Comic.

You have them but you have no place to put them in your little efficiency apartment. They are piled on all your furniture and the only place you to sit is a folding chair and the only place to sleep is on the floor between your couch and the kitchenette table. And your most valuable issues got left on the balcony to get water damaged from a huge storm.

I wish I owned an ice cream shop in Dublin, so I could be visited by dozens of cute little gingers every day.

Wish granted! Enjoy your constant influx of cute little middle-aged ginger midgets!

I wish I knew how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

[Dreampunk]

I wish I knew how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Ah, one of my favorite ones! You see, there are many possibilities here that need to be sorted out. First of all, I'd like give our woodchuck a name. I'll call him Chuck, The Woodchuck. According to the statement, Chuck, The Woodchuck, cannot chuck wood after all, since we want the answer to how much wood he could chuck if he could chuck wood. So, let's say he has a problem that incapacitates him of chucking wood, and to be more specific, to chucking wood with an axe. There is a series of problems that could be the issue, such as him not having an axe, but since he still is a woodchuck (he is Chuck, The Woodchuck for Chuck's sake!), I believe he: or has an axe, or has had one in the past, and now cannot use it anymore. The next possibility, is health. I could list the many problems of psychological or physical problems that are palpable in this situation, but for the sole necessity of convenience, let's assume he has lost a member of his body. More specifically, Chuck, The Woodchuck lost his arms, legs and penis in a torture section when he participated in a Civil War, and his axe was the torture weapon. Each of his fingers were chucked, one by one, then his toes, then his feet, then his legs, then his hands, and finally his arms. His penis was the last member to be chucked, with the torturer sickly saying "Seems like your wood is about to be chucked, Woodchuck Chuck!". Finally, we have established that the woodchuck can't chuck wood because the woodchuck was chucked and has a since then developed a trauma about his axe, chucking wood, his own name, and the tongue-twister that causes him pain to this day. Not to mention that, with the loss of his members, he is also physically incapable of holding an axe, therefore, can't fuck, I mean, chuck anything, even if he wanted to. To answer your question and make your wish come true, I'll say that the woodchuck would probably chuck the average amount of wood a normal woodchuck chucks, which I have no idea how much wood it is. Now, do you regret asking how much wood would Chuck, The Woodchuck, chuck if he could chuck wood?

I wish to be an FBI special agent that has restricted access to his files, who is also respected and trusted and will never be accused of child loving, even if he does so.

[littlepolly]

I wish I knew how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

I know DP has already answered this well, but I thought a little educational moment would be nice to share with the kiddies when we say the tongue-twister for them. It turns out that woodchuck is just another name for a groundhog and has nothing to do with wood or with the chucking of wood, the chopping of wood and stacking it for winter:

The etymology of the name woodchuck is unrelated to wood or chucking. It stems from an Algonquian (possibly Narragansett) name for the animal, wuchak.[19] The similarity between the words has led to the popular tongue-twister. (from the Wiki)

So you see he is a little rodent who doesn't eat wood or chuck wood so the answer to the question is rather moot, though someone did estimate the amount of wood a woodchuck could cut and stack in a day, if he would and could chuck wood to be about 700 pounds.

Though they do not chuck, they have been known to chuckle when some poor slob mowing his lawn steps into the entrance to their den and sinks in to his knee!

I wish to be an FBI special agent that has restricted access to his files, who is also respected and trusted and will never be accused of child loving, even if he does so.

Poof! You're an FBI agent. You are assigned to infiltrate an alt-right organization and find some young kid you can groom to do a racist shooting in order to discredit and take down the organization.  Which everybody knows is racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic, and anti-establishment and has no right to exist on the face of the earth! So they say.

So, you finally realize that what you are assigned to do you can't, because innocent kids will get shot and an organization that is innocent will be blamed and shuttered. It will be as if you held the hand that held the gun.

But the Bureau knows that you are a child lover and holds that over your head. You know you will be outed if you don't do as they say. If you whistleblow the plan as you leave, you know you will be suicided.

I wish there was a secure video sharing platform that did not collect metadata on all the viewers.

[boplicity]

I wish there was a secure video sharing platform that did not collect metadata on all the viewers.

Sure thing! Unfortunately, the subscription is way out of your price range.

I wish I could change my haircut whenever I wanted, instantly and free of charge.