Anyone here a Christian and feel terrible about their sexuality?

[estelle105]

I must admit I do all the time and the guilt leads to depression not that I have ever laid a hand on any youngster sexually and lead a chaste, celibate life. I do try to channel my love which is not all sexual into positive mentoring situations and I have been successful in that with the boys concerned never suspecting anything amiss. Still I feel guilty though. Particularly about porn use online which mainly consists of legal twink porn on clearnet but as mentioned elsewhere occasional visits to Boytown and Boyvids when they existed. I always said never again and digitally shredded all downloads and deleted Tor but always came back. I realize the dopamine rush one gets is a serious addiction. How do others cope?

[Midamoto]

I cannot say anything about being Christian, but I'll readily admit a lot of my moral values are heavily tainted with it.

The good news is that if CP is the thing you feel guilty about, you can totally stop. I know it's easier said than done, and I've beaten addiction before. When it happens it's usually a drastic decision. It's you saying, "you know what? I'm done with this," and committing to it.

There's a few things that help though. One that is really useful is to not make it just your own commitment. I know Christianity is all about carrying your own cross, but here it's more about having a sens of accountability. Making a promise to someone works great. Involving the community by starting your own "I'm quitting CP" thread helps. Why do you think the AA give out badges and meet every week? Meeting every week creates a sense of community and accountability, and the badges reward you for your progress. You definitely have the tools available here to begin that journey. I made ascii art badges for a friend before, and I'll do it for you if you want.

The intrusive thoughts are just that, thoughts. There's not much you can do about it, but know in your heart they won't turn to action.

Good luck!

[Laddie]

I'm not a religious person myself. The majority of people in my part of the world identify as having no religious beliefs. Technically I'm an atheist, although I don't tend to use that word because for some people they see atheists as those annoying people who try to diminish other people's belief systems. I'm not going to try and argue against your beliefs. I'm all for freedom of religion. It's a personal thing you need to decide for yourself. While I'm not religious myself, I attended a private Christian school and have very close friends who are Christians. Despite our differences, we're able to have civilized and thought provoking discussions on religion.

There's a few ways you can look upon this. God made you who you are. You didn't decide to become a pedophile, it's not something you have control over. Either God let it happen or he made you this way. As a test? Maybe. The Bible says you're made in his image so maybe he likes the young ones too.

As far as I can tell, the Bible doesn't make any direct mentions of pedophilia. There will be other verses that may apply. Lust, sex outside of marriage, things of that nature. But as far as I can tell God doesn't give a shit about age.

Assuming there is a God, I don't think he cares if you're attracted to children. Lusting after them or causing them harm then yes. But I can't see how God would be upset about a part of you he created.

God is supposed to be love. Don't feel guilt about who you are. If I'm proven wrong in the end, I'm sure he'll explain to you why you are the way you are.

- Laddie

[on the rocks]

The Bible has more to day about wanting other boys than it does about how old those boys should be. 

The guilt you feel about your attraction and/or porn use is not uncommon, regardless of religious upbringing.  We are surrounded by so much anti-sex and anti-child sex messaging from the rest of the culture, that one can't help but internalize it.  While watching football games this weekend, I saw ads for the latest copaganda show; this one seems to be about the police finding missing children.  Which of course means every other story is going to put the anti-pedo agenda front and center; just like SVU.  It's a constant drumbeat of "pedo = bad; pedo = bad; pedo = bad..." The repetition drives it into everyone's brains; including those of us who can see how beautiful and sexy children are.
If pedo = bad and I'm a pedo, then that means I am bad?  But I don't feel bad.  I'd never harm a child.  But everyone keeps saying pedos harm children simply by existing.  Ah, WTF?

That's the source of everyone's guilt about their attraction to children and their use of child porn, if they do.  For me, simply realizing that I only felt 'bad' about my attraction because society taught me to feel bad was enough for me to get over it.  Your results may vary.   

[ConfusedPaedo]

Know above all that God loves you. Even as the world persecutes you, the Lord will accept you. Society judges from ignorance, but He knows all. He understands your every thought, and knows you mean well.

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Footnotes
a Psalm 139:17 Or How amazing are your thoughts concerning me

As far as I can tell, the Bible doesn't make any direct mentions of pedophilia.

This is correct. Condemnation of paedophilia is a modern development. In the culture of ancient Israel it was not usual to have intercourse with pre-pubescents (possibly not accepted as marriage, at least in general, occurred during puberty), however it was the standard to marry as soon as the woman was fertile (that is: early puberty). This likely relates to how greatly they valued acquiring offspring; when a culture has no greater joy than having many children, it is natural to attempt reproduction at the soonest opportunity. That which the modern world has deemed <paedophilia> in the broader sense was normal for the greater part of history.

[NightTime]

I feel torn in two u look in a mirror and wonder who the hell u are looking at but I know it's a pedo and knowing that sends a surge through me which over rides everything else even my feelings and reasoning and yes I do feel terrible at times but cannot resist my true nature

[MomAnne]

I believe in God.  I find the bible is a tricky book, since you can find any quote to support your position somewhere.  So I focus on "Love one another".  It is so important that we do our best to never hurt anyone.  And yes, that can be very hard.

[Whynot]

I believe in God and
I don't feel bad that I find young girls sexually appealing...

I don't act on my feelings except that I'm currently playing mind games with an 11 yo cutie I see about once a week ;-)

I made her blush bright red the other day by doing absolutely nothing except
being near her when she didn't expect to see me, lol

She lights up with the biggest smile every time I pay the slightest bit of attention to her :-)

On another note, though,
I know of a Christian school principal that searches for and finds street whores 3 or 4 times a week :-0
  Here's an interesting note on sin...
Stealing a pack of gum and murder are equal sins in the sight of God...
Each will keep you out of heaven, but one will have more Earthly consequences... Just sayin' ...IMHO

"Go ye therefore and sin no more"

[chanlurker]

I'm Christian and I don't feel bad. The closest you're going to get on the Bible saying it's bad is 2 things. 1 adultery/sex outside of marriage. That's actually the one that makes it a sin....2 Jesus said to let the children grown and called a child a 12yo if I remember correctly. But it is well known once you hit puberty you are a woman/man. That said technically a 9yo or earlier could be a woman. But in general jews have their bar mitzvah at 13yo.it why I say women are women at 13. But really only you nepis are the bad guys lmao. Just kidding nepis.. 3. Incest but if it not your blood ignore and carry on.

[ConfusedPaedo]

2 Jesus said to let the children grown and called a child a 12yo if I remember correctly.

I believe you refer to verses 1 through 14 of Matthew 18:

The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

Causing to Stumble
6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.

The Parable of the Wandering Sheep
10 "See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. [11] [a]

12 "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.

Footnotes:
a Matthew 18:11 Some manuscripts include here the words of Luke 19:10.

There is no mention of a particular age. The word used however is παιδίον, which refers to very young children. (It is the diminuitive form of παῖς, meaning child in a general sense. The absence of a diminuitive form in the English language precludes a better rendering.)

[chanlurker]

That's definitely apart of what I remember and thanks. I think the other part is related to Lazarus for some reason. But I'm drunk k and stoned so my recollection is very suspect right now.

[NaplesEve]

I must admit I do all the time and the guilt leads to depression not that I have ever laid a hand on any youngster sexually and lead a chaste, celibate life. I do try to channel my love which is not all sexual into positive mentoring situations and I have been successful in that with the boys concerned never suspecting anything amiss. Still I feel guilty though. Particularly about porn use online which mainly consists of legal twink porn on clearnet but as mentioned elsewhere occasional visits to Boytown and Boyvids when they existed. I always said never again and digitally shredded all downloads and deleted Tor but always came back. I realize the dopamine rush one gets is a serious addiction. How do others cope?

I am a Christian and i am very similar to you. I would never have a relationship with a youngster but i am a fan of CP. i always felt so bad about myself but after years of dealing with the shame i ended up accepting myself for what i am. I havent looked back. whats boytown and boyvids? were those sites? I never had great ways of finding CP until recently. we use to use limewire or other quesionable methods. i remember the early days of tor when the servers were so slow you couldnt even download a picture without taking a nap. we are so blessed to be living in 2023. just remember God wouldnt have made us the say we are if He didnt have a plan for us! Nothing is more right than God's plan.

God Bless,
NaplesEve

[AlienB]

You don't have to lead a chaste, celibate life to avoid molesting kids. There are a wide variety of fun, sexually fulfilling experiences out there to be had with a lot of people of different ages and interests. In fact, I would say strongly that the richer and more meaningful you can make your legal sex life then the less likely you are to do something that is illegal and land yourself in jail.

If you have issues with being Christian and into males sexually, I would say switch denominations. There are a lot of supportive churches out there that aren't phobic.

[Havalz]

I hate to look at myself sometimes in the mirror and wish I could change who I am but I can't and I just need to manage that as best as I can now. I have no intention of ever hurting a child but I will never be able to change my attraction and stop myself from being aroused when I see what I consider to be an attractive young girl.

[TooLittleTime]

All I can say is you are not alone.

Of all the women I have talked to about their sexual relationships with adults when they were children, religion has been part of the discussions. And across the board fathers and others in their lives have been across the full spectrum of religious beliefs, and it does not seem to impact those men's desires in the slightest from the girls perspective. What they were going through themselves I have little insight, except for one friend in the past who I knew was involved with his daughter - he often said he was going to hell, but wouldn't articulate why he thought so. But it didn't stop him.   

You at least have a coping mechanism - CP, even if it makes you really uncomfortable. Try to look at it that way.