dating as a sex offender

[Sinclair]

does anyone have any experience on how to go about dating as a sex offender? I feel like meeting people online would be the easiest way, or travel to an area where youre not known? once you meet someone, how do you tell them about your past, or is it something that could be kept secret in the right (perfect world) circumstances?

[TooLittleTime]

I have no experience.

I have known sex offenders, and it appears to me their dating ability has a lot more to do with their overall abilities to attract women than their actual background.

I want to say, avoid the far right religious ladies, but even then the 'forgiveness' ideal could work in your favor. Though I would avoid them anyway

[Driver247]

I can tell you what my experience with that was. Not to long after I was released form prison I met a girl online and we talked for a while and then she agreed to come to where I lived and we went out to dinner. After dinner we went to a motel where we had fantastic sex! After sex I told her that I had just been released from prison. She asked what I was in for and I told her I had been accused of molesting a young girl. Of course I lied to her and told her I didn't do it. I told her that I had caught a young girl steeling and told on her and out of revenge she accused me of molesting her. She seemed to believe me and we continued a relationship for a short time. The reason we split up was because we lived too far apart and it was too hard to make planes to see each other. We both wanted a relationship that was more covenant.

Not long after I split from that girl I met another one at a gas station that she was working at. We talked every time I stopped to get gas and that lead to talking on the phone when she was off work. One day I invited her to my house and she came. We had sex and talked for a while and I ask her if she wanted to keep seeing me. She said she did so I told her if we were going to continue to see each other there was something I needed to tell her. I pretty much told her the same story as the first girl and she said she appreciated that I told her and didn't let her find out for herself later on. We ended up getting married and was married for twenty years until she died of cancer.

What I would recommend is only tell the people that need to know. If you think you're going to have a serious relationship with a girl you need to tell her yourself because if she finds out later on she going to be pissed that you didn't tell her and it will be hard for her to trust you. If it's just a one night stand don't tell her. You don't need a lot of people knowing about you.

Hope this helps and good luck!! 

[OneLove]

I was lucky in that I was already married and she stuck with me. Dating after incarceration would be difficult but not impossible, as a woman in love will forgive or ignore past mistakes. You can't outright lie because your record will follow you in many ways for the rest of your life. However, as mentioned above, you can alter facts to better position yourself to a potential mate. This would mean living with your lie for the duration of the relationship. It is possible to meet a fellow pedo but the odds of that are not in your favor.

[Driver247]

You can't outright lie because your record will follow you in many ways for the rest of your life.
 It is possible to meet a fellow pedo but the odds of that are not in your favor.

To add a little more to what OneLove is saying. It is very true you can't just out right lie. It is different all over the world but where I live I have to report every three months to the sheriffs office to re-register. Also every so often an officer will come by my house just to make sure I am living where I say I;m living and lets don't forget the sex offenders registry that you will be on for the rest of your life. There is no way you're going to hide all of that. All you can do is tell your story the way you want it to be told. In other words make up a story that gives the person that accused you a reason to be mad at you and that is why they accused you. Some people will believe you some won't. Stay away from those that don't believe you because no matter what you say or do will you convince them other wise. Those type of people will only believe what they want to believe.

As far as friending a fellow pedo. If you really think about it that can be just as dangerous as having sex with someone underage. If you become friends with a fellow pedo chances are the two of you will share cp and tell each other your secrets that should be kept secrets from the world. If that person becomes mad at you for what ever reason or feel that you have wronged them in some way they know everything about you including where your cp collection is stashed. If they were to tell law endorsement you're just as fucked as you would be if you were caught fucking a minor. In today's world being known as a pedo is almost a death sentence!! In some places it is a death sentence!

If you do ever become friends with a pedo be smart about it. Only tell them what you tell non pedos and never ever share your cp collection with them or even tell them you have a collection if you have one. If you look at cp with them only do it online and never save or download anything. This way if they were to ever tell on you it will be his word against yours. There will be no proof!! Cover your own ass at all times!!!!   

[Lillab]

As far as friending a fellow pedo. If you really think about it that can be just as dangerous as having sex with someone underage. If you become friends with a fellow pedo chances are the two of you will share cp and tell each other your secrets that should be kept secrets from the world. If that person becomes mad at you for what ever reason or feel that you have wronged them in some way they know everything about you including where your cp collection is stashed. If they were to tell law endorsement you're just as fucked as you would be if you were caught fucking a minor. In today's world being known as a pedo is almost a death sentence!! In some places it is a death sentence!

If you do ever become friends with a pedo be smart about it. Only tell them what you tell non pedos and never ever share your cp collection with them or even tell them you have a collection if you have one. If you look at cp with them only do it online and never save or download anything. This way if they were to ever tell on you it will be his word against yours. There will be no proof!! Cover your own ass at all times!!!!

As long as you store and access your stash properly, it is impossible for LEA to detect you have one, even if someone turns you in. LEA can, however, steal all your computers and drives and refuse to give them back. Whether browsing online or from a stash changes nothing. But you are still right that having such friends is a liability.

[OneLove]

When I mentioned meeting a fellow pedophile I was referring to a pedomom as a mate. Notwithstanding, what you said is still true because your wife could also turn on you. It's a shitty way to think but the reality is it's self preservation. I never want to go through that hell again. Believe me, the power of the govt is vast and awesome. Don't get in their crosshairs.

So back to the OP, yes it's possible to date, but you'll need to be clever and deceitful about it.  my case I told everyone the girls in my stash were all underage teens. That's more forgivable in people's minds than preteens.

And of course there's the judgment of her friend and family circle to consider also. It's domino's, man.

[girlsmom]

I have no experience in any of this but it seems to me the best thing to do is to be upfront about it as soon as you can. I just think that if things are to develop that you would want someone that you can trust with that information and won't hold it against you. Unfortunately, you have to live with that for the rest of your life.

[EllieLover]

I guess this would highly depend on circumstances and local laws.

In the US, for example, if you're on the sex offender registry, are you legally obligated to tell any potential romantic partner that you're on there? I know there can be an obligation to tell neighbors and such, not sure how that would apply to dating. Of course, with the registry being public, there's always a chance of them finding out themselves or through someone else. Honestly though, if you live in the US and are on the sex offender registry, just leave the country and never come back. The sex offender registry is an inhumane relic that will prevent you from ever leading a normal life.

Do you live in a place where you were publicly convicted for a sex crime? Are those records publicly available?

Honestly, unless you have some legal obligation to disclose you're a sex offender, there is absolutely no good reason to do so. If you were convicted and served your sentence, that shit is in the past and upon your release you get to start with a clean slate. Be prepared to take this secret to the grave with you, because nothing good can ever come from telling a partner unless you've literally been together for like 30 years. MAYBE then they'll be able to forgive you for it. Either way, you'll be able to make a much better judgement about that 30 years in, rather than 30 minutes.

[MarcthePerv]

I mean being a gay sex offender would be a plus in my book.

[Moon Child]

Some people like dating ex cons. Different strokes for different folks.

[TooLittleTime]

I will add that if you check one of those sex offender locator sites, the majority are not homeless living under a bridge. They are your next door neighbors, married, with kids, jobs. And yes, the child sex offenders as well.

I don't discount how tough being tagged that way is, it is often life destroying. But definitely some people can make it work.

My one anecdote in this is I had a guy living about a block away from me at one time. I knew him before I knew about him. He was on the list, for a child sex crime. He was married and had two teenage daughters living with him. He had a government job. I wish I knew his back story, but was not going to add to the discomfort in his life by asking.

[OneLove]

I'm one of those neighbors with a dirty little secret. What's worse than dating is trying to get a job. Job applications used to ask if you'd ever been convicted of a crime in the last 7 years. Now that shit's for life. And the registry is nothing more than a mean-spirited lifelong social blackballing list. Same goes for volunteering. I'd love to volunteer at a local shelter or other facility, but I'm afraid of background checks. Plus, I can't move out of the country, because they also don't want "criminals."

Don't ever tell anyone of your background. You will be judged and rejected, I guarantee it. People have been conditioned to believe the worst in you- that you are a predatory monster who ruins little girls' lives. Most of us are just stupid saps like me- simply jerking off to internet pictures. But that doesn't matter. In their eyes we are scum.

If I sound bitter it's because I am.

[Lillab]

I'm one of those neighbors with a dirty little secret. What's worse than dating is trying to get a job. Job applications used to ask if you'd ever been convicted of a crime in the last 7 years. Now that shit's for life. And the registry is nothing more than a mean-spirited lifelong social blackballing list. Same goes for volunteering. I'd love to volunteer at a local shelter or other facility, but I'm afraid of background checks. Plus, I can't move out of the country, because they also don't want "criminals."

Don't ever tell anyone of your background. You will be judged and rejected, I guarantee it. People have been conditioned to believe the worst in you- that you are a predatory monster who ruins little girls' lives. Most of us are just stupid saps like me- simply jerking off to internet pictures. But that doesn't matter. In their eyes we are scum.

If I sound bitter it's because I am.

I too deal with these feelings every day. It's overwhelming. I think the not being able to move out of the country is the one that stings the most for me. But it's all horrifying, and sometimes I feel like I am just barely holding it together, or not. Like you, I didn't hurt anybody, and yet I don't feel like even murderers are treated this harshly. I think bitter is an understatement.