Are you ok with both being a MAP and never coming out?

[NotPennysBoat]

In other words, do you accept being a MAP and keeping it a secret? Not going to make this a poll, I'm interested in your feelings on the subject(s).

Personally, I accept that I have a non-exclusive attraction to underage kids. I did not choose it. However, I choose not to hurt a child in any way. That is important to me.

Never coming out is IMO the only way to proceed; I really don't want people to know. And, I am ok with that. Most people don't know about my fetishes or for that matter my political views.

I'm aware that many struggle with being a MAP and the behavior that might be associated with the attraction and perhaps lurking in the shadows. I do feel for those people.

What are your thoughts on these subjects?

[stalker]

A question whether to come out or not is a deeply personal one. There are benefits for that, like having a more honest relationship with someone who understands, and there are obvious costs.

When it comes to coming out to the general population then for me it's a huge no. There's no need for them to know. The same about other things I consider private. But I came out to various people in the past. Some I regret, some don't. The problem is when the relationship ends for some reason. Then you end up having someone who knows your deepest secret, and having no control over what happens. I've seen such confession used later in court in a custody battle.

Whatever happens, make sure you leave no traces. If you decide to tell someone, don't do it in writing, or with witnesses. Make it deniable.

[SilentObserver]

It's not like we have much of a choice...

[TooLittleTime]

The older I have gotten, the less likely I would ever tell anyone, even just an individual. I tried sharing in my twenties with others that I thought or knew had similar interests, it never ended well. The problem was in my twenties, especially my early years, I knowingly dated girls in their teens, sometimes on the lower end of that range.

And once you say anything or or are open about your younger girlfriend, those memories for others don't go away. I recently had an experience with a friend I have known for decades. I don't see or talk to him often, usually years. When he found out I had a 12 year old girl living with me - my girlfriend's niece, he really perked up, and finally made a comment that basically said "Are you able resist her?" And meaning it the way it sounded.

I pulled the 'gave him a confused look' tactic and said, "What?" My look must have been enough because he changed the subject.

And that is the problem with sharing anything. I don't remember what I have told him in the past. I know I didn't 'come out'; but I must of at least shared a general desire for the underage but developed crowd just through my own public actions.

Either way that did bug me. I want people to think of me of the persona I put out now, not stupid stuff I said or did decades ago

[AppleBite]

It's not like we have much of a choice...

Agreed. I am happier not risking talking about this aloud.

[NotPennysBoat]

It's not like we have much of a choice...

Agreed. I am happier not risking talking about this aloud.

Truth. It sucks, but that's how it is.

[fffanatic]

I share the general sentiment. I have "come out" to potential partners, which was dumb and risky, and to partners. My wife very well knows I have a non-exclusive attraction to underagers.

There is no reason to come out on the general public. Since I know all too well pedophilia is being weaponized and utilized from different sides of politics to attack and discredit the other side.

She "shares" some of the inclinations but my belief is that it comes from the idea of her being the girl within the AoA with me as the adult.

[caregiver]

do you accept being a MAP and keeping it a secret?

Is it worth the risk disclosing to even one other person who's able to betray you?

Yes, it's usually tough to live the secret, especially in relation to intimates, but if one already uses Tor then trying to stay anonymous shouldn't be too onerous - although I appreciate that some personality dispositions make keeping a secret well nigh impossible.

In any case, as they say, stay safe.

[TheVillain]

 As long as you stick to not actually "acting" in any way, well, it is technically not a crime so as much as ppl may hate on you they can only go so far.
I really did not plan on never acting on it but it seems that, as with most, probably, I am gonna have to go through my life without that bit, for multiple reasons. So as long as I keep it like this, I can actually tell people.
But then there is no reason to tell ppl. If I ain't gonna do anything about it, why bothering people with that potentially disturbing information that can't possibly help with anything at all?
 I've told some people. I haven't exactly done the thing proper so haven't committed a crime, so anyone I might talk to can do none about it. So I've told a few people who were kinda close. Some went away instantly. Some tried to be comprehensive as if I wanted treatment (no lol). Some found it disgusting but were still willing to keep being a friend just fine.
Nobody ever exposed me like screaming "he is a pedophile" or something... even the ones who were disgusted and disliked me for it. They wouldn't go through the trouble of reaching enough people for that to be destructive to me socially in some way, apparently.
TL:DR
Coming out/being open to everyone is impossible. Coming out to a few friends? That's totally doable but yields no fruit whatsoever.

If your goal is pedo friends, well you just be yourself without being explicit about it and soon enough if you both vibe the same way about 'young' people, you'll realize it very quickly.

[LewisCarrol_Jr]

I hate having to keep what I consider to be an important part of my identity a secret.  It makes me feel like a monster though I've done no wrong (in that particular way).  I wish things were different, but I see no choice but to keep hidden as best I can.  Who knows, maybe one can hope for some unexpected societal or situational change to happen some day.

[User8737]

There would be no benefit for me to come out and share with someone about my preferences. It would only destroy my life and the lives of others around me. I'm content though to look at littles from afar and dream. Having PSC as a sounding board is also helpful.

[NotPennysBoat]

It really sucks that people are of one mind about it. I may have said this elsewhere, but just out of curiosity I mentioned someone I knew who was a MAP(true story) to a very close friend of mine.  He got in trouble(for images), did his time, and got out. This friend I told is the most open-minded guy I know. He said, "Well, I could be co-workers with him, but I wouldn't be his friend."

That's why I won't come out. It's "one size fits all". It didn't make a difference that he didn't offend.

[on the rocks]

At this point in my life, coming out of the toybox would be akin to lopping off a limb.  I am very comfortable never telling another person in the real world about this part of me.  I'll take it to my grave in all likelihood., and that's just fine with me.

[olderman]

I could never come out in real life. The fear of judgment for a start  is pretty overwhelming; though maybe it is because I have never been in a relationship with someone who I could say I 100% trusted with my inner thoughts and feelings. If I found that person, maybe I would be honest, but in the meantime and probably for ever, I will live in the darkness as the horrible scary monster that the world says I am.

That's a pretty depressing thing to acknowledge.

[Lillab]

Coming out? Yeah, I did that, over and over again, dozens of times. And I have yet to find an instance where doing so has improved my life. Luckily, only a small fraction of those caused serious problems. I keep trying to get back into the closet, which is exactly where are my loved ones want me to be. We always see the celebration of other groups coming out of the closet, and I crave having an experience like that. But the world isn't as enlightened as it pretends to be. I wish I had PSC all my life, a safe place to process everything, a place where I don't have to feel so alone with these struggles. I really don't recommend talking to the people in your life about this. The best they can do is offer sympathy, but they won't be able to understand. There's little to gain, and a lot to lose.