regrets from not doing anything in the past

[zergrush111]

I know this seems silly but there is a part of me that fantasizes and thinks about what if in the past, when i was younger and had more access to kids, if i was braver. What if i was smarter. What if i did kiss who i wanted to kiss and love who i actually wanted to love without judgement or self disgust? I fantasize about many little girls and even some boys i had friendships with who i didnt escalate things with out of fear of hurting them.I think about how nice it would have been to kiss them, and cuddle with them. Maybe even be the first person to give them oral, or be naked with them. Be the person they trust enough to explore with, come to with about things like that. I know i made morally and legally the right choice in just not doing anything at all but there is for sure a part of me that wants to explore the other side, and hopes that someone i could get away with it and do it without damaging them. Some of these younger people i still talk to, and when i hug them to say goodbye i smell their hair and for the rest of the day i just imagine a different world where they were active with me, and i was feeling through their hair as they ride the shit out of me. Or collapsing on my chest after a long day outside, tired and sweaty, maybe a fans going as we sit on the couch. I can feel their heart beat against my chest.

Another part of it is something i recognize clearly and thats my predatory instincts caused by insecurities. Part of me hopes they would want to be sexually active and ready to have sex throughout their lives. I could have a 14 year old bj, or call up a 16 year old and eat her out like she was younger. I wouldnt pass them up when they turned 18, or even 30, that life long connection to them. Part of me wants slaves i guess. I know myself well enough that i would be fine if they moved on.

As i get older i just feel like i missed out on ever experiencing what im attracted to and like most people that causing me to think, what if. What if things went perfect.

[CautiousOne]

Many regrets in both actions taken and just as many not taken.  You find out stuff you didn't know back then that could have been awesome.  I try not to dwell on such things.

[on the rocks]

I like to say the person with no regrets is either a liar or boring.

A lot of regrets boil down to the fact that we've changed as people since the time of the thing we regret.  It's easy to say, "Oh if only I was more bold" or "I wish I hadn't been so afraid of..."  But we weren't that person back then.  I can regret not making a move on a girl when I was young, but that wasn't the kind of kid I was; boldly asking girls out on dates.  Doesn't make the regret any easier, but on some level, it helps me to know that it's not that I just didn't make another decision, it's that I couldn't have made any other decision at the time.  If I did, that wouldn't have been me.

What can I say, I've got some skepticism about the concept of free will.

I think regret also blinds us with the assumption that a different decision would automatically be better than what we actually experienced.  In reality, we have no way of knowing that.  It's simply not a part of our thought process to game out that alternative reality where you did B and Y instead of A and X all the way to the present.  There is so much complexity and the butterfly effect of one or two changes makes it functionally impossible to know that your life would be better if you asked so-and-so on a date or accepted that child's offer to show them your cock.  Regret is a fantasy built on a simplistic alternate reality in our heads.

[zergrush111]

I like to say the person with no regrets is either a liar or boring.

A lot of regrets boil down to the fact that we've changed as people since the time of the thing we regret.  It's easy to say, "Oh if only I was more bold" or "I wish I hadn't been so afraid of..."  But we weren't that person back then.  I can regret not making a move on a girl when I was young, but that wasn't the kind of kid I was; boldly asking girls out on dates.  Doesn't make the regret any easier, but on some level, it helps me to know that it's not that I just didn't make another decision, it's that I couldn't have made any other decision at the time.  If I did, that wouldn't have been me.

What can I say, I've got some skepticism about the concept of free will.

I think regret also blinds us with the assumption that a different decision would automatically be better than what we actually experienced.  In reality, we have no way of knowing that.  It's simply not a part of our thought process to game out that alternative reality where you did B and Y instead of A and X all the way to the present.  There is so much complexity and the butterfly effect of one or two changes makes it functionally impossible to know that your life would be better if you asked so-and-so on a date or accepted that child's offer to show them your cock.  Regret is a fantasy built on a simplistic alternate reality in our heads.

You make a good point, we grew and changed as people. I believe the reason why i didnt take as many risks or did those things is because i am very passively suicidal now where back then i was more hopeful for the future. Yes it would have been easier when i was 18 to date and screw a 16 or 15 year old, but it also would have been easier to mess up my life and i knew that. I guess i just have an idea that somehow since i got away with a lot back then and regularly jerk off to the times i slipped that means i would have gotten away with much more and it would have been more worth it for me to have done than abstain. Like nowadays what it my reward for being no-contact? Freedom? i was spared life for something i wasnt asked to have? Idk sexual gratification always seems more rewarding but maybe its better if i dont chase it to that level.

[FindingRest]

I remember struggling with my emotions while I friends with a girl at a church I used to attend. Initially I wasn't sure how to react to her affection. We sat next to each other, held hands, and she rested her head on my shoulders a few times. I never experienced anything like that and would get so anxious, I'd lie to her that I had to go to the bathroom, but would just go sit outside and helplessly try to process my thoughts. Sometimes I thought if she was manipulating me like others have just to embarrass me. I thought, "nobody could ever like me in that way, so she must be faking." I also wondered if I was maybe just over estimating her affection as anything more than just platonic. I didn't want to push things that jeopardized our friendship, but I regret not being more affectionate towards her as she had been towards me which I think played a major part in our parting ways.

I think she really did like me as she wore very beautiful dresses that complemented her body, fixed up her hair very elegantly, and her makeup was well done. She would get so excited to see me and hugged me tightly with our cheeks pressed firmly against one another. When our eyes met, I was so flustered and wanted to kiss her. I felt so weirdly happy with her around. I feel ashamed and angry at myself for how our relationship turned out, but there were factors outside my control, and perhaps some that I may not have been aware of that made things turn out the way they did. I just wish I wasn't so stupid and too entangled within my own mind to help her with her problems. I do wish that she's happy wherever she is, or has someone in her life that offers better comfort than I did.

[AlienB]

I have a mental list of girls I think I could have touched and didn't. Maybe horrible things would have happened if I had. Maybe wonderful things. I'll never know now.

[Mune Ippai]

For me it's a natural thing that comes as we get older.
We look back and think about all things we could have done and/or should have done.

I also thought sometimes, about all missed opportunities that I had when younger, not only with kids but some older women too.
There was a time a girl with 10-12y wanted to have sex with me, told me she wanted to "become a woman" already.
But I did nothing, I was too afraid she would regret and tell someone. And I had relatively experience as a pedo by that time.

Not so much later she became one of most trusted pedo relationships that I had, even today.
So all my worries was just things from head. Although, I always prefer safe than sorry.

That's one of past things to think now that I should have done.
But yeah, for me it's natural we have these thoughts about a lot of things in our lives.

[TooLittleTime]

Even for those of us who have 'done things', regrets exist. Often from having a moment where I have thought 'I shouldn't do this', and that part of me actually stops me. This has become much stronger as I have aged. In retrospect the regret is strongest where in thinking back, I believe the girl at the moment truly wanted what I wanted to do, but I stopped myself. I have had a couple examples where that was clearly the case. So as on the rocks has noted, regret is part of life regardless of what you actually do or don't do.

[AlexUnder]

Even for those of us who have 'done things', regrets exist. Often from having a moment where I have thought 'I shouldn't do this', and that part of me actually stops me. This has become much stronger as I have aged. In retrospect the regret is strongest where in thinking back, I believe the girl at the moment truly wanted what I wanted to do, but I stopped myself. I have had a couple examples where that was clearly the case. So as on the rocks has noted, regret is part of life regardless of what you actually do or don't do.

Yes, you guys have all summed it up very well. It goes back to that eternal lament: "If I had known then, what I know now . . ."

I was too self-conscious in high school to go after the "top tier" girls, with a couple of exceptions. If only I'd known that they were looking for something more than a guy in a football uniform!

And those that I did "date," or run around with . . . they were ripe for the picking (pardon my crudity), but I didn't think I was an adequate "picker." As usual, so many of our limitations are self-induced.  But how's a teenager, forty years ago, supposed to know that?

And, although I'm not technically bisexual, I remember some trips to "adult bookstores," in my 20s, where the older men would, um, gobble me up (but not fuck me).  I've often wondered how they would have reacted if I'd gone there as a 12 year old boy, nude except for gym shorts . . . wow.

Anyway, we are where we are. We missed a lot. But we've also gotten a little piece of wisdom, that many people miss: We know who and what we are. And we don't have to worry about it any more. Worry about "defining ourselves," I mean.

[Pedo4VR]

I have regrets that I ponder on frequently. As a young man I was in the Philippines and the far east for a time. I had not embraced being a pedophile like I do today and missed out on some incredible opportunities. In many cultures over there, they did not demonize adult child sexual relationships (I realize this is changing). What is crazy is that I already was being sexual with nieces and other younger girls, but I was not intentional and did not have a plan. Why I didn't think to immerse myself with young girls in Asia is beyond me.

[TooLittleTime]

Even for those of us who have 'done things', regrets exist. Often from having a moment where I have thought 'I shouldn't do this', and that part of me actually stops me. This has become much stronger as I have aged. In retrospect the regret is strongest where in thinking back, I believe the girl at the moment truly wanted what I wanted to do, but I stopped myself. I have had a couple examples where that was clearly the case. So as on the rocks has noted, regret is part of life regardless of what you actually do or don't do.

Yes, you guys have all summed it up very well. It goes back to that eternal lament: "If I had known then, what I know now . . ."

I was too self-conscious in high school to go after the "top tier" girls, with a couple of exceptions. If only I'd known that they were looking for something more than a guy in a football uniform!

And those that I did "date," or run around with . . . they were ripe for the picking (pardon my crudity), but I didn't think I was an adequate "picker." As usual, so many of our limitations are self-induced.  But how's a teenager, forty years ago, supposed to know that?

And, although I'm not technically bisexual, I remember some trips to "adult bookstores," in my 20s, where the older men would, um, gobble me up (but not fuck me).  I've often wondered how they would have reacted if I'd gone there as a 12 year old boy, nude except for gym shorts . . . wow.

Anyway, we are where we are. We missed a lot. But we've also gotten a little piece of wisdom, that many people miss: We know who and what we are. And we don't have to worry about it any more. Worry about "defining ourselves," I mean.

I do think, as a girl and woman lover, that in my late teens and early twenties hooking up with the early teen girls was easier, and I took the path of least resistance. Girls my age were intimidating to me, while much younger girls were clear in their interest in me, young women my own age much less so. My first adult woman experience was with a woman in her mid thirties when I was in my very early twenties, so even that was an outlier. And she just had a taste for young guys, something she even lamented about after sleeping with me, complaining about how they always fell in love with her. I was able to not do that to her. But she was good in bed in a much more experienced way and I fell in love with that!

So the physical attraction was equal across ages, though admittedly there were more younger ones that fit my tastes, the older they got the more that fell out of that window. So in combination with how many girls showed an interest in me, the larger pool of attractive girls in the younger age groups and my situation in life that allowed me to have a lot of exposure to early teen girls made them my relationship goal of choice for many years.

[AlienB]

I recently had a friend go to jail for over 40 for molesting his stepdaughter. I think the regret from doing nothing is less than the possible regret from doing something and getting caught.

If anything, I regret not doing things more when I was younger. When I was 13-14 I had a lot more access to family members and other younger kids. My mom had friends with younger daughters and such. If caught then, I wouldn't even have been tried as an adult. Doing something small now could have been consequences. So that's my main regret.

[zergrush111]

If anything, I regret not doing things more when I was younger. When I was 13-14 I had a lot more access to family members and other younger kids. My mom had friends with younger daughters and such. If caught then, I wouldn't even have been tried as an adult. Doing something small now could have been consequences. So that's my main regret.

This is what im talking about. I could have done much more when i was still young.

[AlexUnder]

If anything, I regret not doing things more when I was younger. When I was 13-14 I had a lot more access to family members and other younger kids. My mom had friends with younger daughters and such. If caught then, I wouldn't even have been tried as an adult. Doing something small now could have been consequences. So that's my main regret.

As an  "ex-felon" (if there is such a thing), I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's misfortune.

If I had only known . . . you see, it's not just a matter of age differences. It's also figuring out, as much as possible, the opposite sex (I can't speak to homosexual development). We go through dating, maybe "courtship," and multiple marriages before we begin to understand how the other sex thinks.

When I was in my late teens and twenties, I was already a pedophile, and I was very careful. But I had three "second cousins," the PT daughters of my cousin, who utterly fascinated me.  (That's an elegant way of saying I dreamed of fucking each of them.) It was so bad that just hearing their names would make me hard.

One afternoon, at a bar near my college campus, I ran into the youngest of these girls. She was undoubtedly 18 by this time, or she wouldn't have been in the bar. We sat down together and had a beer. I was still just "Alex," a friend/distant relative, but she was still my "dream girl," despite her advanced age. (She was, and will always be, a tween in my thinking.) I know now that she was ripe and ready for the picking, and I probably wouldn't have been the first . . . but back then, I was still intimidated by her beauty.

Now, I've been through two marriages and numerous relationships. If I could go back to that bar, at that age . . .

Awww, nuts! 

[TooLittleTime]

Well now all this had made me think about regrets from the past - of which I have plenty, many non girl related - but one that jumps out has to with a girl we will call Addie. I had a very short but intense relationship with Addie when she was 13 going on 14, we had met at a concert and she actually left with me, with many of her friends greatly concerned about what might happen to her. This included a boy her age who had a huge crush on her and would later become my nemesis.

I was in my very early 20's, even in the day this would have been a pretty age challenged relationship. It's likely the thought amongst her friends I was 18 or 19, but a 13yo running off with a guy this much older was still scary to her friends. While the concern was partially justified, since we did have a huge make out session, where I took her was not private enough for us to 'go all the way', though she wanted to! Clearly not a virgin, but also very limited in experience, she was the perfect kind of girl I often was looking for at the time. Eventually we had a few full blown encounters, including the most intriguing being the first time she received oral sex from me, it was her first time ever, she was clueless about that even as a thing, so her reaction was quite humorous and eventually very erotic. Oh, and once her brother walking in on us. That was a little scary.

The problem was I didn't live where she lived, I could make the trip occasionally and did when I could. But then she 'emotionally' cheated on me, letting me know she had strong interest in another boy her age, and they had gone so far as holding hands and kissing. I did and didn't appreciate her honesty, but I terminated the relationship, much to her disappointment. Which I completely didn't get her feelings given what she had done, including explicitly telling me to a question I asked that if he tried to sleep with her, she didn't know if she could resist. Girls honesty, man. I didn't know what she expected from me.

Fast forward one year, I am back in town and at a party where guess what, she is there. We quickly got to talking, then kissing, and wanting more. I had a friend who offered to drive her home (I was staying with him), as we drove we were making out in the back seat. No age judgement from him which I appreciated He then offered to take us to his office, he was slightly older than me and had a real job while I was still in college. The office had a daybed for people who stayed late. She was not only willing but begging for us to go, he said he would pick us up in the morning. Bizarrely and stupidly I said no for reasons in retrospect were pretty dumb.

I knew it would be a one night stand, I was leaving town the next day for an extended period of time, and wouldn't likely come back in many months if not longer. He said their were no blankets or pillows, so it might not be comfortable. So for some stupid reason I just didn't do it. I was also worried about her parents, but not as much as I probably should have been. And while the girl was physically mature, she was still more girl than woman, in her features, mentality and physical looks. She was perfect physically in my eyes for a good sex session. WTF was wrong with me. She was not only willing but practically begging to sleep together again. WTF man.

Now not a pedo story and barely a hebe story, but this girl was cute, fuckable, and really wanted to. I have no clue what was wrong with me, except I think I still had a strong emotional attachment to her, and doing what she wanted felt like using her since I knew our relationship was a dead end.