Are you ok with both being a MAP and never coming out?

[OneLove]

As many of you know, I was incarcerated for possession quite a few years ago. I was a naive, low-hanging fruit who brought it upon myself.

However, prior to reporting to prison and even afterwards I remained naive and confessed to most of my friends what I had done. A couple didn't care, a few disapproved but still supported me to this day, and a few were were shocked and disowned me. The worst case was a particular boss who blackballed me in a career I had spent years building, and consequently had to abandon.

The legal consequences of being arrested will follow you for the rest of your life. There's no reason to further complicate your life by coming out. Just keep that shit to yourself. It took years for me to finally realize that people are judgemental assholes.

Maybe someday the tide will turn and we can come out and be productive MAP members of the community.

[fredericksz]

I am okay with it and in fact it is the only possible choice for me, in terms of sanity.

First of all, i do watch child pornography, and i have been a user of the DN CP scene for ten years. Of course never touched HC (Because i am not a lunatic or a maniac). I believe that the consent to produce CP is seen by the eyes of those in it, one can understand what is and what isn't HC. And because of some abundance of that material being available to me, i can do my own private things alone. I never once thought seriously of having a child or a teenager for myself, and that's where i draw the line, and there are reasons for it.

The First reason is about abstinence. I do not practice sexual acts with children, neither with adults, be them women or men. I do not wish for it because i am a reclusive person, and any contact besides work isn't a thing for me. Besides family appointments i do not wish to visit someone, that's how far i go. I explore the world through books, i know it's a bit superficial, but the reasons for the this seclusion is that i am clinically depressed. So if i am clinically depressed, then i only enjoy my curiosity through books, images and videos, then i won't have contact with other people (as well as children), then i won't meet anyone to achieve sexual satisfaction, as i once did.

The other reason is about privacy and security. I never will put myself on that spot, i won't risk it. I don't have the luxury of being caught, if i get caught even with an image of a 17 year girl on bikini (exaggeration, but you get me), my head will roll. So that's that. I don't discuss it, i don't do it, and for the majority of the time, i get my pornography anonymously and without a footprint. I don't mind talking about my setup, it is pretty simple, a Veracrypt Hidden Volume with my Whonix VMs (I use QEMU and not VBOX, for obvious reasons), the passwords are memorized and with a good length and characters. That's what i recommend to people.

So yeah, i like what is my life. Alone, discrete, private and reclusive.

[Lillab]

i am a reclusive person, and any contact besides work isn't a thing for me. Besides family appointments i do not wish to visit someone, that's how far i go. I explore the world through books, i know it's a bit superficial, but the reasons for the this seclusion is that i am clinically depressed.

I definitely relate. I have been dealing with depression for decades. Depression drives you towards seclusion, and seclusion feeds the depression. Having some amount of regular interaction, like through work and family like you do, does help keep things from getting too far out of balance. I have been loving my time on PSC, and I find it does decrease the depression for me. If I try to force myself to be social, that will often backfire. It needs to be people I like being around, doing things I like doing. I definitely like being here, and I hope you also find life to be richer and more rewarding through your experience here.

[on the rocks]

My advice would be to not let your pedo side stop you from experiencing other parts of life.  I've compartmentalized this attraction pretty well such that I'm not even worried about spilling guts when drunk or something.  And I think it's been good for my mental health to be able to go out with friends or hang around with extended family knowing those 'walls' will keep anything pedo from spilling over.

We are social creatures, so unless you've got some kind of autism diagnosis, try and get out there and live.
The pedo thoughts and the CP will still be there when you get home.

[OneLove]

Having had a series of negative experiences resulting from my love for children, I have also pretty much retired from society. I'm sure it's a mental self-preservation thing that many of us do.

[LarrySexton]

Staying in the closet for me is a question of survival. Coming out or being found out would mean my entire life being ruined. Forums like this one is the only way for me to discuss my deepest secrets and I am ok with that.
I try to not make my attraction to kids the only thing that defines me. It is only one part of who I am. So outside of the darkweb I am someone and in here I am someone else.
Having friends, hobbies and interests is the only way to stay sane. It just sucks that everything that is MAP or being a no contact pedophile has been intertwined with people that forcibly rape children. It just leads to more isolation for those that have these feelings and attraction but have no way to discuss it in way where they wont labeled a monster.

[Shady]

As much as I want others to accept me for who I am, I'm also wise enough to know that is beyond fiction. Fortunately, I'm not the type of MAP that always have pedophilic thoughts in mind, so I'm not tortured by my identity enough to either try to out it or end it. I consider that a blessing, to be frank, to know that I can appreciate the most delicate beauties out there without having a mental breakdown about it. I know there are people who had it worse than me.

[Moon Child]

Endless isolation.

I can relate.