On Topic Abstinence

[Lillab]

There are many in the world that want MAPs to avoid everything erotic. And so, they make it illegal. In some places erotic cartoons are illegal, and some places erotic stories are illegal. So my question is, has anyone here ever been able to completely avoid all on topic erotic material? Or have you ever known anyone who has done so? I mean someone who is no-contact and not in a relationship, and actually living the life the strictest societies expect of us? I would think, though, that someone who avoids erotic stories probably wouldn't be hanging out at PSC, as there are erotic experiences everywhere.

I grew up in a very religious setting, and it was expected that no one masturbate. Everyone I knew wanted to stop masturbating, but couldn't quite do it. I guess it's not quite the same thing, because you can have fantasies and masturbate while remaining within all the laws. But that also seems kind of silly to me, because if you aren't consuming outside materials, then the only people to fantasize about are real people you know. Wouldn't it be worse to fantasize about real people than fictional people? I was about to ask what does society expect from us, but then realized the answer is they just want us to change our sexual attractions, which is impossible. Either that, or they just want to hurt us. Or castrate us. Do you guys think it is actually possible to go without any on topic material, year after year?

[hö]

I managed to pull that off for quite some time. About three consecutive years of absolutely no hard candy in any shape or form. Eventually I returned to the stuff briefly before getting caught in some sort of an on-off relationship with it. To this day I haven't managed to set a new personal abstinence record but I still go several months at a time before I eventually pay it a quick visit.

Tell you what, it's hard. Especially if you have reached the point of where it becomes an addiction. Though that does not mean it's impossible to pull that off. It's just hard. Really hard.

[LikelyHuman]

It's been a number of years since I have last seen any on-topic material, virtual or otherwise. Well, lolicon and stuff like that stopped doing anything for me a long time ago, and I never thought the 3d stuff was that stimulating either. I don't think I have ever actually seen any of the AI generated stuff. Then when it comes to real videos, I stopped watching them and destroyed my collection a while back. I also stopped enjoying any literary depictions of it, or rather just stopped indulging in them even if I might enjoy them. Avoiding stories of it was mostly just because I don't really want to engage that craving and obsession. It would be like if an alcoholic decided to stop drinking, but then kept reading bourbon reviews. (Or I guess I should say, when I actually did that  )

I guess it really depends on the spirit of the question and what technicalities you think may or may not apply. I haven't read or viewed any of those types of materials for quite a while, but I have still fantasized about it, by myself and with another person. I don't really read any stories about it anymore, but I have still enjoyed other people sharing stories of their experiences in a minimally-descriptive type of narrative. Kind of hard to explain what I mean there, but there's sort of a difference between reading a story that someone is telling you specifically for the purposes of sexual gratification, versus just listening to a story that someone is telling you about one of their relationships because the two of you actually have some kind of a connection and you just care about their experiences and insights about it as a person. I think that kind of toes the line a bit because sometimes it's still quite the turn-on, but I don't know if it really fits into the box of on-topic material.

[Lillab]

Are you both non-exclusive? Are you in adult relationships? Do you think that helps?

[OneLove]

It has always seemed to me that we Americans glorify romance and demonize sex. Movies tend to idealize these values. Back when I was growing up, a hero's job was to protect women, and the women were seen as virtuous, morally strong, mothers and young ladies. Romance was asexual, almost platonic, and idealized. Half the time, the hero left at the end of the movie, riding off into the sunset, leaving the woman sighing as she watched him go. You might catch a quick glimpse of a quick kiss, but nowhere in the script was there any hint of sex. Somehow sex became a nasty secret that adults did behind clised doors.

Of course, as you said, children were not to masturbate or touch their genitals at all except to pee, and were "protected" from sexual knowledge at all costs. Any form of sexual expression was quickly squashed. So, it's no secret that when the opportunity finally presented itself to do the deed with someone, we were scared and inept and it normally ended in a massive fail. Or at least that's how it ended for me.

We've got it all wrong. There's nothing natural or healthy about our approach to sex.

As for on- topic material, I destroyed my stash some years ago and have been pretty good about not hoarding anymore. I am currently the owner of zero visual material, although I do keep the stories I have written. I was looking at cp on forums every day for the last several months, but have not for several days now. I'm trying to stop permanently, which of course is not easy. But I'm tired of jumping every time someone knocks at the door and looking over my shoulder.

[hö]

Are you non-exclusive? Are you in adult relationships? Do you think that helps?

Yes and yes. And yes, to a degree it helps. Although I must admit that my gf, although legally an adult, is barely an adult at all and significantly younger than me.

How do I explain this?
 Imagine ice cream. I really love amarena cherry ice cream, it's my favorite. But I also love chocolate ice cream. They're both ice cream and you can make me happy with both kinds, but although absolutely loving both I still have a favorite. But at the end of the day they're still both ice cream. Does that make sense?

[LikelyHuman]

Are you both non-exclusive? Are you in adult relationships? Do you think that helps?

Yeah, I am non-exclusive, and I have been in adult relationships. I think it helps a lot, since otherwise I think the loneliness would be so much harder to deal with. However, on the other hand, sometimes even within a relationship it can feel really lonely and insecure, because there's always the doubt that a person could truly love me without knowing that side of me. There have been a few people who have known that side of me, in varying capacities of relationship, and that has both been an immense help as well as an immense temptation. There was one woman who was aware of my interests, and then there became a sort of constantly-present notion of watching on-topic material together, but I just always felt like it was too much of an OpSec risk. Then there was another person I got close with that, while not a romantic relationship, for whom I grew to care about very deeply and after learning about how they had been betrayed and had images/videos of them as a child leaked, it changed the way I felt about it. Suddenly there became a real possibility that I might see them in that compromising position and never realize it, and so in a way every time I saw a young girl in something I downloaded after that, I had to kind of wonder if it could be her. There was even a point where I mentioned it to her, and she more or less gave me the old, "What I don't know won't hurt me," kind of answer, and I even thought about going to try and find it on my own but I felt like it would forever tarnish things. Even if she didn't know, I would know, and then it was hard to not see any other girl in that position in the same light. That was really the final nail in the coffin of my collecting.