The impact of PSC on your life

[Lillab]

In what ways would your life be different if you never found PSC? What about if you found PSC a few years earlier?

I am frequently going through old content on PSC. I wish it didn't so often fill me with regret. I am sad that I didn't come in the beginning. I didn't know that PSC existed until last year, but when PSC was new, I would frequently get these strong impulses to explore Tor in order to find like minded people. I was craving PSC, and I knew Tor was the right place to look. And I never did.

It's weird, but I feel guilty for not being here, that I have let people down. I see lots of little places I could have helped out. I wonder how much it would have changed things for others if I was here.

I am pretty sure it would have had a major impact on my life though. Normally, the entertainment I consume doesn't really change much about my life. Who I socialize with has a little impact, not much. I have a very strong pedo identity though, and in this time I have made several major decisions in life, heavily influenced by pedo desires, and therefore not being able to talk it out with anyone. Would I have avoided mistakes, or would I have made even worse mistakes? If I had more support, would I have been able to face some of the challenges I ran from? Could I have drastically reduced the long periods I couldn't function from mental meltdowns? Could I have worked through my issues faster?

Maybe I obsess too much about what-ifs. Maybe I should focus on more productive thoughts, or at least less stressful thoughts.

[Pat975]

Best part about being here is open discussion with like minded and the fact I've come to realize there are more of us pedophiles out there than one might think.

[on the rocks]

Not to be dramatic, but maybe my life itself.  I don't think I was actually suicidal, but I did spend an unhealthy amount of time fantasizing about ways that I would be snubbed out by happenstance; plane crashes into my home; gas explosion; semi veers into my lane...
All heavily rooted in my angst about being sexually attracted to children and being torn between wanting some young girls in my life and also not wanting to bring them any harm, either in the present or future.

I joined while in a dark place; hence the name.  Talking with people on here who felt the same or similar got me over that hump.  People's war stories from their run-ins with the law for on topic put my shit into perspective.  And just being able to report a cool encounter or sighting involving a child felt so liberating.  People who would not only find it interesting, but also chime in because that reminded them of something cool they saw or did but had forgotten about until the moment they read my anecdote. 

Now I've been here so long, a child born the same day I joined would be leaving my age of attraction soon.

[Lillab]

And just being able to report a cool encounter or sighting involving a child felt so liberating.  People who would not only find it interesting, but also chime in because that reminded them of something cool they saw or did but had forgotten about until the moment they read my anecdote. 

I really love these aspects. Yeah, after a lifetime of having to keep your attractions to yourself, it really is liberating to be able to express yourself. I really love when people remind me of my own experiences that I have forgotten about, and I love it when others also respond with stories. Sorry, I basically just repeated what you said, but it evoked such strong emotions I couldn't help myself.

[Shady]

I honestly don't feel the effect of PSC much, unfortunately. Sure, it's less lonely to have someone like me to chat to, but I guess texts only aren't enough for me. I rarely have anyone to talk to in real life except for my family. I kinda miss my old best friend and how I could just talk face to face with him when we were still together. Nothing could replace direct convos, unfortunately.

[NotPennysBoat]

This is the first place I ever discussed my MAP tendencies. It's special because of that. However, it's a double-edged sword, maybe even a vicious circle: pedo thoughts/discussion of them for help/more prevalent thoughts. That said, just knowing that there are people who feel what I may feel makes me feel less alone in this; it's not like we can put "HONK IF YOU LOVE A MAP" on a car bumper sticker.

It's a process, for sure.

[on the rocks]

I did see a pedobear sticker on a car once.

[Driver247]

Six years ago if you would have ask me if I was a pedophile I would have said hell no even though I knew I was attracted to young girls and even played around with a few. Also being sent to prison for fucking a 12 year old girl. Five years ago I had discovered Tor and was looking for cp when I ran across PSC. I checked it out thinking they would have some cp anyway, but they didn't. I found myself coming back everyday to read the stories and comments and I started to understand myself a lot better so I decided to join. When I wrote my intro letter was the first time In my life I admitted to myself and everyone at PSC that I was a pedophile. PSC helped me understand what a pedophile really is. It's not the monster that I have heard about all of my life.

I have  made several really good friends here, Sadly some of them are gone now due to various reasons but I am always looking for the next friend. I wish PSC was in my life a lot earlier maybe it would have kept me from doing some of the things I have done, or at least made me be more careful about it.   

[girlsmom]

I don't think my life would be much different had I not found PSC. I love that you can come here and share opinions about on topic stuff. It's great to hear of other situations and opinions about the pedo life that we all seem to share. I used to find more time to come here but it seems lately that hasn't been possible. Life definitely gets in the way. One thing I find a little disappointing is after the big "crash" that PSC had, there hasn't been much in the way of new discussions. Some of the people that I would look forward to reading never came back. Some of the topics are now old and not really updated. Maybe that will change in the future.

[on the rocks]

It's never been easier to keep up with the forum.

[Driver247]

I have to agree with girlsmom. Ever since PSC went offline that time for a couple of months and then when it came back up the address was changed I lost several friends that never found their way back or just gave up on it. It's just not the same anymore. There are no women here anymore except girlsmom and DOJ and DOJ works mostly in the background now. I still love PSC I visit it everyday but I'm not as active as I use to be.

[NotPennysBoat]

I have to agree with girlsmom. Ever since PSC went offline that time for a couple of months and then when it came back up the address was changed I lost several friends that never found their way back or just gave up on it. It's just not the same anymore. There are no women here anymore except girlsmom and DOJ and DOJ works mostly in the background now. I still love PSC I visit it everyday but I'm not as active as I use to be.

This. And I don't blame anyone for not coming back because it was either down for long periods or so seldom up that people just moved on, either learning to live without it or finding another place. I try to come by every day or every other day, but it's like tumbleweeds blowing through versus what it used to be like.

I don't want to seem less than appreciative of PSC and the struggles it faced, but it hasn't always been easy.

[Lillab]

The early days of PSC had the highest activity, 2012-2014. Through the years, there would be setbacks causing people to go away, but it would steadily climb over time. In 2023, the activity grew to the point that it rivaled the early years. There was a down period, but unlike previous times, the activity has consistently dropped ever since. I really don't see what is different now. We are now at the most dead PSC has ever been. This place is more like a museum than anything. Or maybe a library, holding the histories of the past. There is a treasure trove of information here, no shortage of content, just very little new content. I keep trying to keep the discussions going, but I fear my efforts might be too little too late. Well, it's not dead yet.

[radagast37]

We are now at the most dead PSC has ever been. This place is more like a museum than anything. Or maybe a library, holding the histories of the past. There is a treasure trove of information here, no shortage of content, just very little new content. I keep trying to keep the discussions going, but I fear my efforts might be too little too late. Well, it's not dead yet.

What an irony it would be what finally kills PSC is not and external attack of autorities such as LEA, but the disinterest of its own community.

I'll also feel the need to contribute from time to time to keep this site running.

[on the rocks]

I more than most understand how much of a lull this has been.
Posting begets more posting, is what it comes down to.
It's also about how much the inflow of new people has slowed to a trickle.  May is half over and we've had TWO intros.  Many years ago, I'd be sifting through more than a page of intros every day.  New members bring energy that long-timers generally can't muster.  And I think that's the big reason why this place feels rather ghosty of late.